Reverse Culture Shock and the Boxes I Can’t Bring Myself to Open

Several people told me that coming home would be the hardest part of our year long journey. I’m beginning to realize they were right. The first week home was really hard, but I blamed it on circumstances. I thought that once I recovered from jet-lag, the airline found my luggage, my stomach adjusted back to American food, and we were back in our own house I would be feeling better. I do feel better, but I am far from being readjusted to life here. Part of the problem is that I don’t think I really want to readjust to our old life here. I want to hold onto the simple way of living we embraced during traveling and I’m not sure how to go about doing that.

The Weight of What We Left Behind (Literally)

I was worried when we walked into our house that it would feel way too big. Luckily, that wasn’t an issue. It’s definitely more space than we need, but it doesn’t feel too extreme. The problem I’m having is with all the stuff we need to unpack that goes inside it. We are replacing the carpet before we fully move back in, so we have only moved in essential items to be able to stay here while we await our carpet install. Dave and I are sleeping on camping pads on the floor of our bedroom with zero furniture inside. On one hand the simplicity of it is bringing me so much joy. However, the chaos of an unfinished space is really starting to wear on me.

We moved a ton of boxes from our storage unit into our garage. We needed to get tools so Dave could do some sprinkler repairs. I needed kitchen items to be able to cook. Aside from the essentials, I find myself completely unmotivated to unpack things. Completing the task of moving all those boxes felt great (I love accomplishing a task), but now that it’s time to unpack them I couldn’t care less. I fantasize about lighting a match to all of it. Not really, but I am tempted to just donate half of it without even opening the box. Each day I’ve put on my to-do list “unpack something” in an attempt to motivate myself. It’s sort of working.

I unpacked some of my clothes and it brought me less joy than I anticipated. Now that I have more options in my closet I find myself standing there trying to decide what to wear. I rarely had this problem during our travels. When you only have a backpack full of clothing, there’s very little decision making when it comes to “what should I wear?” With every box I unpack I want fewer things in our life.

Going Through the Motions and Finding My Way

I often have what is best described as a surreal, almost out of body feeling as we go about re-establishing our life here in Colorado. I’m going through the motions but it feels numb. We got new health insurance so hours of my time have been dedicated to completing paperwork and scheduling new appointments. None of our old providers are within our new network. You know, super fun stuff. Ha!

During one of our flights Braxton and I sat next to a man from South Africa who asked us to describe where we lived in Colorado. He commented that he had seen neighborhoods like that in Western movies and always thought it would be the best place to live. I know that we can be happy living here. Something I learned while traveling was that you can adjust to any situation. I’m trying to notice the things I love about our life here, like quiet mornings on our deck, and the beautiful expansive sky. I read a quote recently that said “whatever story you tell yourself about your life, that’s the one that will be true.” I’m going to keep telling myself that I will one day feel normal again.